This manic cycle has been absolutely lovely.
I’ve only made one bad decision so far and it was very minor compared to a lot of other crazy things I have done during a manic cycle, so I would consider this time around a blessing.
And it has been so wonderful for my writing habits. I got assigned another 25 page paper to finish by the end of April, on top of my 35 page thesis, on top of my 10 page literary analysis assignment. But it’s been absolutely fine and I’ve been writing like I’m going to die tomorrow.
Lately, I’ve been thinking I might need to go back on my medication. I started taking it when I was 18, and just now stopped this past October. To be honest, it really did make things easier, but it also voided me of all emotions. I didn’t feel, so I didn’t write. (Unless I had to for a class, but it was a struggle.) I think I have written more in these past six months than I ever did in the past four years. And I know it’s because I really started feeling what I needed to feel and was able to channel that into my art.
When I’m manic everything is fine, but I know it’s only a matter of time before I dip back into my depressive cycle and everything turns to shit again. And during the worst days of my depressive cycle, I get pretty bad. But if I medicate, I lose the thing that makes my art uniquely mine. Do I sacrifice my talent for my sanity?
I honestly just don’t know.